#57 The Truth About Getting Out Of An Abusive Relationship

Mary Ajoke Akangbe is a mum to two sons, suffered for ten long years before finally getting out of an abusive relationship. Now she works as a specialist practitioner.

This interview talks about getting out of an abusive relationship and why it’s difficult for some women to do so. Nobody should bear domestic violence, yet many people are, whether they recognise it or  not.

Domestic violence is about power and control. Victims tend to not only give that power to their abuser, but they let them be in charge.

Domestic violence is no respecter of person. Anyone can be a victim of abuse.

FACTORS

There are many factors that makes it hard for the victims to get out of an abusive relationship:

 

💜Lack of education and unawareness

💜Culture and religion

💜Economic implications

💜Domestic violence can be packaged as love

💜You think it’s your fault.

💜You’ve lost the willpower to fight.

💜You also make excuses, thinking it will blow over.

 

When we begin to address these issues, we open avenue for these victims.

 

GETTING OUT OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP:

WHAT STEPS TO TAKE?

Step 1. Talk to Somebody

It may be difficult to differentiate people who just want the juicy details from those that actually want to help you, but you do need to talk to someone. You can talk to professionals or charities involved in helping victims of abuse.

It’s also good if you can find someone who has been in the same situation because they understand you and they know that confidentiality is important.

Step 2. Plan your Exit Strategy

First, you draw the line for when to take action. Unfortunately, no one can draw that line for you. But the minute you draw that line, there’s something called exit plan. 50% of victims are killed at the point of leaving.  That’s why this exit plan is important.

What to do?

💜 Pack your bag with few things that you might need for the first few days, put some money in it, passport.

💜 If children are involved, pack their bags for them, you can leave them with a relative or very close friend nearby, a place where you can get to quickly.

💜 On your phone, have your 999 on speed dial.

💜 Let your children know that there may come a time when you may need to get away from this. Prepare them for your plan.

Step 3. Get help

In terms of getting help, you need to be persistent. Help might not come the first time you reach out, but keep trying.

If you want help for your children, you may contact:

💜NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children)

💜CAFCASS (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service)

Step 4. Move on

The main thing that needs to happen for you move forward is to rediscover your strength. Earn your own money, even if it’s not a career, learn a skill. When you are doing all of these, you are broadening your mind, healing your mind and when you are healing from inwards outwards, it’s easier to heal and move on.

Taking little steps to be your own person is crucial.

People tend to settle the issues of domestic abuse like they settle the normal day to day disagreement between partners. Don’t move fast into thinking you could fix the relationship if you stay longer.

Remember that getting out of an abusive relationship takes a lot of courage and strength, it’s not an easy process but it is possible.  If you are in an abusive relationship right now, just know that your life doesn’t have to be like that. You have the power to change it and it’s better to do it NOW.

 

LINKS

 Reach out to Mary on Facebook, LinkedIn or you can join Glowing Future Facebook Group 💜💜💜

 

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Veena V 💜 xx